update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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