You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
