im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
