you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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