well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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