So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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