We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
