I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
