The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
