One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
