Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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