Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Shame is for Republicans.
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