He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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