I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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