I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
