and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
