it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize