guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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