So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
