u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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