im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
