Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
