Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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