So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
