we're blogging at a bar
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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