But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize