what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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