yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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