We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
