the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
