i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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