apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize