you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
