matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
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