I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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