Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
