so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
