brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
where does the pee come out of this thing
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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