i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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