This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
