I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
