All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize