OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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