Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
