God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
