He told me they were just razor bumps!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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