I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
