I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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