i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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