She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
