i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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