I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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