Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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