Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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