What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
