Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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