Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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