yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
