I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
soo... how was my night?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
