remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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