you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
