eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
