About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
