She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
