the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
