So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
