I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
