Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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