youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
