It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
