I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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