Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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