PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My pussy is not your playground.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
