sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
