God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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