the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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