I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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