Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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